The other big news today, of course, is that we've all heard about the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in the town of Baquba. Of course it's been in every soldier's conversation today, and we're already discussing the ramifications for us. And, by discussing I mean only speculating, because nobody at my level has any idea what this means for our future, but we need something to talk about. We haven't read much on CNN or Fox News yet, so we haven't heard the pundits' responses. But that's all right, because we all have opinions about this news anyway.

First of all, I can tell you that we haven't dropped our rifles and started celebrating just yet. There are still bad guys out there, and they may be hurt but they won't quit any more than we would quit if one of our leaders was killed. In fact, it's reasonable expect a temporary surge in violence for the next few days in Zarqawi's memory (I'd say in his honor, but I refuse to use that word for a murderer and a terrorist). We'd like to think this will put a big dent in the effectiveness and long-term planning ability of the enemy, but we know they won't just give up and turn themselves in because of this.

Second of all, I can tell you that my personal feelings are as conflicted as the death of any insurgent. On one hand, I cannot rejoice in a person's death, violent and evil though he may be. He was still, for all his wickedness, a child of God, created in our Father's image. In that sense, his death is a cause for sadness. And there's part of me as a Christian that truly does feel sad about it.

On the other hand, part of me does feel a sense of victory and relief -- victory because our troops have overcome his plans for terror and relief because he was an indirect threat to me, my fellow soldiers, and anyone else who got in his way. Zarqawi and his followers bear some responsibility for me being over here in the first place, away from my family and daily in harm's way. Directly or indirectly, he is responsible for many of the American men and women who have been killed in action. He is responsible for the deaths of many of his own fellow Iraqis. Every day he lived, he has continued his murder and terror.

So for both personal reasons and for the sake of the people he threatened, I'm glad he's gone. Yet even as I say that, part of me thinks, "You shouldn't feel that way as a Christian, or at least you shouldn't admit you feel that way". But I've always tried to be honest with you, and part of me honestly is very glad to hear this news.

I've thought about the ethics of war and killing quite a bit since being over here, and I'm not going to write all my thoughts for you here and now. I just need you to know that my feelings are conflicted, and they probably will continue to be. Maybe that just makes me wishy-washy and keeps me from getting in trouble by taking too firm a stand either way. Or maybe that makes me better able to minister to other Christian soldiers and Marines who actually have to do the killing. I hope for the latter.

God be good to you!
CH Steve Timm