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Return to Messages from Pastor Steve |
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| Hi folks, it's Nov. 17th and I have finally made it back to Camp TQ. The travel both going home and returning here took about 2 1/2 days each way, and it is pretty hard travel, so I'm pretty wiped out in addition to the normal jetlag. On the good side, the Good Lord turned down the outdoor thermostat since I've been gone, with highs only in the 70s and lows in the 50s and even 40s. Otherwise, it's the same dusty desert, just a little cooler and more pleasant.
I am so glad for the two weeks I was home and my chance to see so many from Red Wing. I was able to spend some quality and quantity time with my family as well, and I can't tell you how much I needed that. The only drawback to the whole time at home was the pain of saying goodbye once again to my wife and kids. This was the hardest goodbye yet, because my twins took it awfully hard. Both Charity and Jessica were very clingy to Daddy while I was home, to the point where they didn't want me leaving the house without them even to go for a run. My last picture of home was driving away with the twins waving and crying at the same time in my picture window. Ugh. The irony is that just when you are hit with the grief of that goodbye, you have nearly 60 hours of travel time with nothing to do but sit, wait, and think about what you've leaving behind at home. Over the last two weeks, all three of my girls played the "Daddy Superhero" game where they would go to different parts of the house and say, "Help, help" and then I would go pick them up and hug them and they would say, "Thanks, Daddy, my hero!" It's cute and corny and it made me realize how I'm missing one of the prime times of their lives to actually be the hero. People tell me it's heroic to come over here and fight the war, but I feel like I've walked out on the people who want me to be a hero the most. I can tell myself a hundred rational reasons why I had to do this, why I had to leave, but that only masks the pain, doesn't erase it. I've looked back at some of my writing from when I was first deployed, and the feelings of guilt and grief are just as poignant now as they were then. Those feelings did fade with time, and I'm hopeful they will fade now as well. It is good to be back with my fellow soldiers and know that I have many friends and brothers in Christ here. Everybody here understands that it's rough to go home and then turn around and come back to the war. From all of you, now that I'm back I'll sure welcome e-mail and cards again from any and all. Thanks for everyone who welcomed me back home and gave me a great two weeks leave. God be good to you! |